As the hardest-working lazy person you’re likely to meet, I have spares everywhere. There are nearly-spent toilet paper rolls in the vanity, there’s a quarter in the change compartment of my wallet (thanks for the suggestion, sis), along with a twenty dollar bill in my super-secret wallet compartment (thanks, Mom), there used to be bread sticks and crackers in the glove compartment of the car when diners were frequented, and there are things so well hidden that I don’t know what or where they even are. Things are left blocking the door so that they make their way to the car on the way to their ultimate destination. On the car hood as we speak are my produce bags because on a snow day, you do laundry…but the car was locked and I was too lazy to go to the spot where the key fob is. My phone is full of undone lists, half-done lists, never-gonna-happen-but-I-meant-well lists, and wish lists.
What is the meaning of all this? I send messages to myself to remember. To remember to breathe. To remember to get on my mat and practice. To remember to get Tru Lemon for boyfriend’s mom’s waffles. To remember to make calls, or when plans with friends are. To remember to make that schedule that eludes me.
“I’m sending out a message to myself/so that when I hear it on the radio/I will know that I am fine/I will know that I am loved,” Message to Myself by Melissa Etheridge. Since I wanted to get an exact quote, the lyrics were searched up: online, they read “…I am love.” In the video, she’s painting “…I am loved.” While watching the video on that music channel, it sounds like she’s singing: “…I have love.”
More waxing poetic on the nuances of language. If one is love, then can one still swear a blue streak? Can one think unkind thoughts? Can one snarf the last pastry save three bites of crust and no filling to speak of, and not really realize? Ahem, and still be forgiven, and more importantly, loved 🙂 Can one lose entire days playing silly word games, or mindlessly scrolling through various social-media sites? Can one be passionate and still procrastinate? Yup! This is part of the human condition. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. Seams rip. Dinner burns. Traffic snarls. “Reply all”s happen.
If one is loveD, is that enough? Does one just merit that for existing? Does it need to be earned? Can you bank some for later? Is it a bank where you have to make deposits? Can it be rebuilt/replenished if razed?
If one has love, along the same vein, is that enough? This may give us stability, a home, grounding to flex those creative muscles. For the longest time, my mantra while meditating was: I am light (on the inhale), I have love (on the exhale.) It took awhile, but the shift was made, and now it’s I am love. We’re all works in progress.
“It’s funny how you find just what you seek
Love is what you get,
When love is what you speak”
In Yoga, many of us are wont to intone: where your mind goes, your energy flows, or what you focus on, you find. Yoga is the ultimate single-tasker. (Read that somewhere – not not attributing, just don’t recall where.) If you flash on your grocery list during candy cane pose, Ardha Chandra Chapasana, you’re going to take a tumble. Yoga is the ultimate in just this, here now. Savasana, or corpse pose, is the hardest one of all, the one yogis spend yeeeeeaaaars practicing and preparing for. You just lie still and breathe, typically at the end of class. If a thought comes, put it on a cloud and send it on its (merry?) way. It’ll be there when you get back. Lather, rinse, repeat. We come to our mats over and over again to begin anew.
If this resonated with you, please feel free to comment below or drop me an email. Until our mats unfurl again, be well.